Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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