Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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