Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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