He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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