I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
