Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
