I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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