your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
