Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
