He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
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just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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