So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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