Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
