i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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