Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
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he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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