In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
