...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
