You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
