What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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