Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
