Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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