I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize