I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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