you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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