In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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