Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
