Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
