I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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