I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
