No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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