my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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