their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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