I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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