I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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