i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
