Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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