Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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