after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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