What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
