Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
