You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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