I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
time to smoke my breakfast
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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