i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
