I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
