i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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