Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
