these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
