And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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