Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
