i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
