quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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