you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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