it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize