he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
