Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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