If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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