Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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