ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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