My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
