epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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