Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
