Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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